theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
