I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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