What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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