Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize