Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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