i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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