haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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