FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
