I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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