Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
