You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
