He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
