wrigley field is MILF paradise
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
