I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
