So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
