Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
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