Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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