JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
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