Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I currently don't understand fingers.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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