I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
