I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
