mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
