non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
