my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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