Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
