I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
