sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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