we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
