Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
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