You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
