I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
