I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
NoShamevember. You game?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
