Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
