I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
