i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
