this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
