We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
two words...techno handjob
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
