we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
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