i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
