She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
