i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I am available for nakedness
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
