please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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