it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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