oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
