I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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