Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
