I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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