I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
