flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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