whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
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