ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Randomize
