Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
