guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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