Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
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