If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
PANTIES FOUND
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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