Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Randomize
