Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize