He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
