i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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