So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I've blown a few things in my day
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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