listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
