the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
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