Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
