Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
