Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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