so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
i think im in europe. pls send help
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
