I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
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