and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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