i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
he just fucked me for my cheese.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
