so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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