so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
