There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
