His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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