Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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