i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Randomize
