So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
