I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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