i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
