i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
