i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
