I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
