the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
