We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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