the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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