Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Randomize
