After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
