About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
