Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
