I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
being pregnant is like rehab
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
